Once upon a time, I was a baby witch + yogi learning about the wonders of a spiritual practice. I had finally found something that helped my anxiety and depression, I dove head first into anything that looked like it might make me better. I dedicated so much time and energy into bettering myself, I slowly began to identify with this sense of purity. 

I thought if I could align my thoughts just right, maybe I could manifest what I wanted. What I thought the world needed. If only I vibrated at the right frequency, I could invite in abundance. This is not necessarily what I actively taught. That shit was above my pay grade at the time, and I was more focused on the physical and magical over the mental. But when you’re in the yoga, tarot, spiritual worlds, the words that everyone uses kind of rub off on you.

Now, whenever I hear the words spiritual, manifest, abundance, I cringe. I eyeroll. I gag. The fault doesn’t lie within the words themselves, but rather the way they’ve been materially coopted. They way they’ve been light-washed into meaning something they initially didn’t. Like karma. They take the “positive vibes only” and ignore the “dark night of the soul.” 

Fuck your good vibes. I want the entirety of my human experience to be a part of my spiritual practice. I want to recognize that understanding the chaos and discomfort of the world is not only a part of my personal development, but a part of the way the world spins. I want to recognize the ugly parts as essential. I want to accept the thing they call shadow. I want to be my fullest self, scars and ego experiences and all.

A lot of the time, the “language of new age spirituality” invokes spiritual bypassing, which according to Augustus Masters, means “employing spiritual beliefs to avoid dealing win any significant depth with out pain and developmental needs.” Jules Evans, in this excellent piece, expands this into Christian and Stoic bypassing as well. 

Here are some words and phrases I’m doing my best to find replacements for. Please note, I’m trying to make these succinct. There is so much to unpack for all of this, but I’d like this to be more of a starting point than a 20 page essay.

manifest

Perhaps the most overused of the phrases, manifesting is most commonly described as envisioning what you want and feeling it in your body to make it a reality. In its purest intent, it’s akin to the idea that “if you can dream it, you can do it” but in practice often leaves out the “doing” part. It often ignores the strokes of luck that arise because of particularly privileged circumstances. 

The next time someone says “I manifested this,” perhaps we should take into account the various privileges that enabled it as this dank meme so eloquently points out. (Credit to Rise Up Good Witch). Perhaps “I seized this opportunity” might be more apt.

blessed

This one is often literally just code for privileged. Because privilege is being called out, it has become uncomfortable for certain people to acknowledge their privlege so instead they’ll say they’re “so blessed to be in Bali” or something equally ridiculous. (I don’t know why I always pick on Bali. I think it’s because of Eat, Pray, Love). It also makes me curious as to who blessed you. “The Universe”? The Universe is chaotic neutral at best. If it blessed you, it was an accident.

love and light

There is actually a sweetness to this when it’s genuine, but it’s been watered down with so much consumerist bullshit I can’t take the phrase seriously anymore. Beyond that, the hyper fixation on positivity within spiritual communities can be fucking toxic - another word that is loaded as hell, but that’s for another time. Life is complex and hard and I think especially now, if we try to hold tight to ONLY positivity and love and light you will drown and die or worse, kill others in the sea of your good intentions. (And these good intentions is debatable if you choose ignorance over hard realities.) 

law of attraction

Fuck this shit. This is some vile bullshit that alleged “spiritual healers” use to victim blame and I am NOT HERE FOR IT. The idea is that you attract everything that comes into your life through your thoughts or, vibes or whatever people want to peddle to sell you shit, is asinine in the context of greater reality.

Do the citizens of a country attract war with their negativity? Do children attract cancer? I have yet to meet anyone who has given me a convincing explanation for this, but I’m open to hear it if you’ve got it. I’ll wait.

There’s also a lot of self-absorption with concepts like this. Like the choices of others or the circumstances of your community or society have to do with your positive or negative thoughts. And this is similar to…

a sign from the universe

As I said before. The universe is chaotic neutral. If it’s sending you signs, it’s an accident. This may be nit-picky semantics, but words matter as they influence attitudes. Instead of saying the universe is sending you a sign, maybe you’re more open to noticing certain patterns because of new information. Own your choices and what you choose to see. Or don’t, I really don’t care tbh. But I leave this here for your consideration as always. 

My favorite example is when a friend was telling me that their boyfriend needing to slow things down because his father was sick was a sign from he universe that they weren’t meant to be. I responded with, “so you’re saying ‘the universe’ gave your boyfriend’s father a heart attack so that you would get the hint that you should break up?’ 

But who care what I think. What do YOU think?

self-love

I use this hashtag to talk about the work of respecting yourself, setting boundaries and taking care of your needs. Others use this phrase to declare untouchable goddess status. To exclaim their suitors would be so lucky to have an inch of their time.

There is a thick line between self-respect and being a narcissistic asshole. 

self-care

Another word whose true meaning has been lost to manicures and spa days, self-care has more to do with sleeping, eating well, drinking enough water, balancing your budget and doing the dishes than splurging on a new bag. You are by all means allowed to treat yourself to whatever indulgences you’d like, but they don’t really count as self-care in the true revolutionary sense of the word. The word you’re actually looking for is indulgence which, again, is totally fine, but it is what it is. 

abundance

Is it just me or does this not sound like the “spiritual” version of “make me good at capitalism?” In theory, it’s supposed to be about seeing the gifts all around us, in nature, in the world, but the way it’s often used seems to be centered around making a lot of money which doesn’t really line up for me. Like a lot of these phrases there is a misalignment between intent and practice.

do the work

A lot of people say this without really knowing what “the work” is. I know I’m guilty of using this term, but I know what I mean when I say it. Typically, I’m talking about the emotional work of catching and owning your emotional reactions and figuring out what is happening in the present moment and what is a trigger from a past experience and learning how to work through that in real time instead of escalating an argument. This can be applied to everything from relationships to systemic inequality. Like most of these, there is nothing inherently wrong with this phrase, as long as there is actual depth and meaning behind it. 

vibes

Am I an asshole or am I just really tired of hearing about vibes? I’ll just leave this video here so you can go on an epic @allgasnobrakes binge.

karma 

“What goes around comes around” is an extremely simplified version of what karma actually is. It’s a complex and nuanced Hindu and Buddhist concept that is inextricable from past lives, emptiness, and other complex concepts. I don’t have the know how to go too deep into it, but any of my former colleagues at Three Jewels are probably teaching about it some time soon.

follow your bliss

Similar to “find what feels good.” What feels good isn’t always good for you. If I only practiced yoga or lifted weights or biked in ways that felt good, I’d exacerbate my alignment issues and chronic pain. Heroin “blisses people out,” but I wouldn’t advocate hopping down that rabbit hole.

I’m not saying “follow your pain” or “no pain no gain,” but choosing something that’s hard in the moment, can lead to more contentedness later. Throwaway phrases leave out the crucial in between steps where the real magic happens.

Last, but certainly not least…

everything happens for a reason

The familiar mantra holds a certain appeal. Similar to “God works in mysterious ways,” it implies that, even in your darkest moments, some mastermind is pulling the strings, leading you to something better. If you just trust in “the universe,” you’ll see how much better off you are.

I think that’s lazy bullshit.

Whenever I hear someone utter that phrase, I want to know what religious or spiritual leader planted that seed, disregarding both their agency and their pain. Who saw their suffering and claimed it has a purpose in some greater plan.

I get it. The idea that someone else has the reins is really fucking comforting. And I am still a spiritual person. I can hold both these ideas at once. I do believe in something bigger than me as an individual. I do talk to my ancestors. I do ask for guidance.

This logic reminds me of the parable where a man is in a flood and whenever help is offered to him he responds, “no thank you God will save me,” but when he gets to heaven (because he drowned) God explains that he sent all these helpers to him. Whether you think God sends people to you, or that synchronicities line up or that you just get lucky, the divinity and the assistance is in other people.

The sentiment is valid, the order of operations is just wrong.

My cousin passed away last Halloween in a car accident. She was 25. It took me until her funeral, a week later, to feel the enormous weight of this loss, not just for me, but for my family. For the world. The universe, God, whatever your word for it didn’t kill my cousin. Didn’t let her die. A man in critical condition last I heard did that. His car. The rain. A lack of knowledge of best practices. 

There is no puppet master. There is no reason for this tragedy. For the chaos.

And yet.

There are gifts here. I’m speaking to family I haven’t spoken to like this in decades. There is a hole in my heart, but it’s also being filled. Nicole didn’t die to bring us back together, but we have chosen to strengthen our relationships in the wake of this tragedy. A god or fate didn’t so this so that we could see each other, but we get to choose how to move forward. 

We get to choose the gifts.

What do you think? Are there other terms you have a hard time with? Are there more layers to the ones I’ve laid out here? Share your thoughts in the comments or my inbox.