Oh hair. It's beautiful and magnificent and should be grown long. Or, it's gross and should be shaved, waxed, tweezed, lasered, threaded or at the very least trimmed. Which is it? Depends on where your hair grows and how many fucks you give.
Let's start with head hair. Until about 2 years ago, mine was always long (except for a brief bob period in 2nd grade). When I started ballet, I put it in buns and french braids. throughout middle school, I contorted it in a range of hair styles that I copied from episodes of Charmed (shout out to the LATINA REBOOT), Sabrina the Teenage Witch and any other intricate butterfly clip and pinned up combinations I found.
By high school, I wore it down a lot using mousse to turn Miami humidity induced frizz into waves and threw it up in a messy bun for sports, workouts, and exceptionally hot days. (I had a couple of bangs phases which were always more trouble than they were worth tbh. I don't think I'll ever go back to that life again.) And through college and my early twenties it stayed at various stages of "boob length" always long enough to touch some part of my chest area.
My hair is pretty low maintenance. I have what they call "fine hair," which is a fancy of saying very very thin. At it's longest, my hair wrapped in a bun would create a tiny knot that you would easily encircle with a single finger. Whenever I decided to actually style or blow dry it, the process never took longer than 20 minutes. Sure, I didn't have a gorgeous thick mane, the kind that creates epic and beautiful braids, but it was so easy to manage.
But then something happened. Break throughs in therapy, a desire to experience "non-attachment", a reclaiming of all parts of my body. Whatever it was, I needed my hair cut. Very short. We started with baby steps going just above shoulder length in the spring of 2016, but by the summer I was rocking an undershave and loving it. Where there times I wondered "what the fuck have you done"? Of course. But overall, it was a welcome change.
There's something cathartic about cutting off hair. A reason why the scene where Mulan slices into her mane with a sword (which would never actually work but the magic of cartoons, baby) illicits such strong emotions. But there are two sides to this coin. Was I slicing off the male gaze? Past experiences? Regret? Societal expectations? Or was I chopping off my femininity? Was I trying to look more bad ass and masculine to shake off any perceived weakness? This is all unconscious, of course. I wasn't at the hair salon like, "excuse me I want a cut that says I reject the male gaze of patriarchy, but I also have so much instilled misogyny in me that I want to simultaneously reject my femininity." Not that the length of your hair is congruent with femininity. I obviously cannot shave my femininity if I tried. You can be bald and still hella feminine. Hello every single member of the Dora Milaje, And to that point, femininity can be strong and fierce and powerful. This is just the unconscious bias of a patriarchal culture that views "feminine" traits, leadership styles and emotions as inferior. That's a lot of shit to project onto a fucking hair style.
The funny thing is, I found myself looking for different ways to express my femininity with short hair. Whether by accentuating my curves or applying thick eyeliner. Somewhere in all the confusion, I found my own gaze. I figured out the ways I feel good. Where and when I wanted to look a certain way. I decided that I really like my hair at every length, which is pretty cool.
But what about all the OTHER hair? WTF do we do about that. It's tricky business either conforming to societal standards and maintaining body autonomy, but the closest conclusion I've come to is... WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
Legs: I've shaved them since I was in 5th grade. I am Latina and have very dark hair. It came in thick when I was young and I wasn't really into it. I like shaving my legs. It feels extra clean to me. It's a nice once a week ritual.
Bikini / Pubic area: The details are personal and vary depending on mood, but I did laser the bikini line area. I grew up in Miami and was in bathing suits a lot and had massive ingrown hairs. Laser is expensive, but it has saved me a lot of pain and annoyance. I still have to shave if I want it to be perfectly clean, but it's nothing compared to what once was.
"Happy Trail": Lasered and don't really have hair anymore. I was so self conscious about it as a kid. I'm glad it's something I literally never think about anymore.
Armpits: Lasered. Same as Bikini line. I still grow a little hair, but the relief from ingrowns is really incredible.
Arms: I used to wax them (I used to wax a lot of things, but that phase didn't last long. Waxing is the worst), but my ex told me my arm hair made me look like Wolverine, and I haven't really had the urge to wax them since Logan came out.
Mustache: It's tiny, but it's there. Not enough to cause worry. I just tweeze the stray dark hairs when I'm inspired to, but most of the time I don't notice enough to care.
Eyebrows: I am blessed with the most low maintenance eyebrows. I have a few stray hair I pluck once a month. If you envy me anything, this is the thing.'
Nipple hair: This is the most emotionally charged one of all. I remember reading in a Cosmo when I was around 12 or 13 some dude saying that if a woman had hair on her nipples it was a deal breaker or some shit. Fuck that dude and fuck Cosmo for printing that. I still tweeze it sometimes, but I'm no longer terrified that men (and women) that I am attracted to will be horrified by tiny little hairs when I take of my shirt or bra.
What do you do? Why do you do it? Does it even matter? My routines have simplified significantly over the years because I have better ways to spend my time than wondering about my hair all the time. It's dark and it's beautiful and I love it. And I love the parts that I remove. I love the simplicity of it. The cleanliness of it. Whatever your grooming routine, male, female, trans or non-binary, I hope it elevates you and I hope you don't let Cosmo circa 2002 freak you out.
And as for head hair? Cut it short. Let is grow. I'll probably bounce back to boob length some day soon... and then cut it all over again :)