I had to film a demo of myself teaching yoga last week. I haven’t taught in person since early March.

At first, it gave me a bit of an identity crisis. Am I still a yoga teacher?

I also haven’t been as close with my tarot deck(s) until the last couple of weeks. Am I still a reader and practitioner if I’m not actively slinging cards for other people? If I don’t touch my deck for a few months? Who are we without the identities we cling to?

I sometimes envy people who have “careers” that are more specific. Lawyer. Doctor. Mechanic. This one thing that you can master and consistently get paid for. Something that gives you a sense of identity. In a society where we define ourselves by what we do for money, it seems like a simpler way to live.

But how can you define yourself by what you do for money when it’s constantly changing. To date I have been a waitress, office assistant, journalist, research assistant, photographer’s agent assistant, copywriter, web producer, bartender, hostess, qa analyst, photographer, recruiter, construction volunteer, yoga teacher, tarot reader + teacher, private mentor / holistic coach, actress, singer, meditation teacher, pelvic floor + sexuality specialist, office manager. When I say I contain multitudes, I mean it metaphorically, but also quite literally. I indeed can “wear many hats.”

In many ways, I’m really lucky I’ve gotten to play so many roles. In others, it makes focusing on Boneseed harder. I can only offer this practice because I supplement my income elsewhere. And honestly, I tried to let Boneseed be my whole thing for 2 years before I realized it wasn’t sustainable for me and I’m so much happier and grounded having other income streams. It also keeps me grounded, on the planet, and relatable. I think about Avatar Yangchen’s advice to Aang when this comes up.

Many great and wise Air Nomads have detached themselves and achieved spiritual enlightenment, but the Avatar can never do it, because your sole duty is to the world. Here is my wisdom for you. Selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs and do whatever it takes to protect the world.

Like the Avatar, the path of the Bodhisattva doesn’t end when you reach enlightenment, it ends when all beings are enlightened and therefore free. What I’m saying is that excel sheets and writing deadlines and LLC formations and the occasional manual labor keep me tethered to the real problems my students, mentees and clients are dealing with.

But back to “identity.” This contemplation plays for me one of Tyler Durden’s bits:

You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world.

What I love about Tyler is how totally right and totally wrong he is. Breaking that down in this context would take a whole other post, but I’d like to offer my own version of this. One that I’ve come to time and time again over the past 9 months. After post-concussion syndrome temporarily dulled my cheerful demeanor (although temporarily felt like a lifetime) and COVID-19 forced my work structure and priorities to change drastically. It’s one my spiritual practice has taught me. It’s how I’ve been trying to live.

You are not the things you do for money. You are not your wellness brand. You are not your sparkling personality. You are not the art you create. You are not your social media profile. You are not the expectations of others. You are consciousness in a vessel of flesh. You are not the star dust, you are the intangible being within and without this earthly capsule.