Make peace with menstruation, PERIOD

One glorious thing I’ve experienced during lockdown has been the ability to work with my period without having to hide it. When most of my days are spent only with my partner, I can take an hour to stretch and lie down with a heating pad or hot water bottle when I have cramps. I can wear comfy clothes and whatever kind of blood catching device I like, usually a pair of Thinx sometimes accompanied by a cup. And because I’m never out and about, there’s always some ibuprofen around to help with that first 48 hours of severe crampage.

So why can’t it always be like this?

For something experienced by 1/2 of humans 1/4 of the time for at least four decades of their lives, we have historically had a really hard time with menstruation. The bleeding times, as I sometimes call them, have experienced a sort of revolution in the past decade. There are now some pockets of the culture — or at least corners of the interwebs — where the period can be a source of pride, or at the very least, not a scarlet badge of shame.

And yet, a lot of fucking people have a really hard time with the way we deal with “that time of the month.” The “red menace” can’t be discussed with certain people. Some of my biggest fights with my mother involved her disproval of me casually mentioning I had cramps on front of *gasp* men (who for their part could not have cared less). It truly can be harrowing for some of us when “Aunt Flo” comes to town. And how ridiculous are the plethora of euphemisms we have to describe a normal ass and very frequent body function?

Then we have commercials for period products. Sweet Christ. Your little secret will never be known while you run on the beach and smile eating a salad. Just, why? Who started this charade? Who wrote this copy? I want their heads… figuratively.

How did we get here?

Menstrual taboos date way way back, although we don’t know exactly how they started. There are religious texts that describe women as being unclean while on their cycle (women are not the only people who bleed, but that’s how religious text describes it). But before all that, when we lived more in tune with nature, the menstrual cycle was an essential part of society. This piece gives a super detailed account on what we know about menstrual taboos if you want to learn more.

While some cultures hold tight to that “unclean” stigma, not allowing girls and women to handle food, attend school or have sex, other cultures actually treat menstruation with respect. In some parts of Ghana you get gifts on your period. In the South Pacific, the menstruation hut tradition is alive and well and can be like a party situation. Sign me the fuck up. 

There are other cultures that have even more extreme practices like drinking menstrual blood mixed with milk and sugar for help with memory, happiness and love, which would not personally be my first choice of how to celebrate, but honestly I would do it. That sounds metal AF. And is better than tiptoeing around what should be a celebration (and luckily is for some people).

There are spiritual hot takes on the magic and power of menstruation, which is certainly better than the alternative, but also edges on the territory of that feminine pedestal I no longer want to be placed on. Am I a fucking warrior because I lift heavy sandbags while I bleed and cramp? Fuck yes. Do I need you to drink my period blood in worship of my sacredness? No. I don’t need it. Again, it would be metal AF. You can if you want to, (and I certainly prefer it to the alternative) but I would much prefer us all being fucking chill and getting some goddamned respect rather than being thrown into the other side of the spectrum.

So how do we normalize periods? 

There are organization ad ad campaigns doing great work around this. Thinx started the trend with dope and artistic ad campaigns and now a campaign for period equality. [For full transparency, I’ve been using Thinx for over 2 years and am now a Thinx leader so you can get $10 off when you use my link.] Red Dot Campaign is one of several organizations that actively works to humanize the period through art, events and providing menstrual products to women in need [co-founded by my dear friend and rockstar photographer Eva Woolridge].

We normalize periods by allowing them to simply be a part of our lives. By having access to menstrual products instead of forcing girls to stay home from school because of “period poverty." By allowing us to be honest about cramps as a reason for calling in sick (because when we don’t suck it up, you know it’s bad). By making our partners feel sexy or at the very least loved when they are bleeding instead of avoiding the emotional and physical experience of it.

What is the world I want to live in look like? Here are a few of my favorite period related experiences to leave you with.

A few months ago, I had especially awful period cramps and was writhing in pain in the living room. My partner had left early to run an errand and I asked him to grab me those sticky heating pads. He came back tout suite with a plug in heating pad so I would have one whenever I needed and proceeded to hang and let me choose what we watched from my bed of pain. I know most men in my circles are like this, and this shouldn’t be trophy worthy behavior, but that goes to show what a relief it is when we bleeding people are treated like humans.

Some of my favorite period “things” is when I sync up with my close friends or the moon. There’s this lovely solidarity when we’re just like “fuck yes here she comes.” Or when we simultaneously have the realization that the reason we’re crying through commercials is because we’re about to bleed. Or when a stranger had a tampon for you. Or how most of us have gotten really good at getting blood stains out of things which could be really useful in other ways… … … … … what?

And my personal favorite: Two years ago I was looking for a roommate in NYC (right before I moved back to Miami) and for every guy I interviewed, I asked, “how do you feel about periods?” This one guy responded by saying, “How do I say this without sounding politically incorrect,” which stirred my curiosity as to which way he was going. After a moment, he came out with, “they’re kind of a turn on.” He went on to explain how much he enjoyed period sex and his super chill attitude towards menstruation. It was the first time a man was so matter of fact and nonchalant about it with me. I may have swooned a little. While we did not end up living together for commute reasons (and for my part we had too much chemistry for that to be a good idea), we are still friends to this day.