body positivity

:: The Body Series :: An Introduction

After a long hiatus, I am back on this page with new words and a little more purpose. I find I often lack the space to explore things as deeply as I would like to. Or when I attempt to create it, I get scared of the places my writing takes me, and become resistant or hesitant to share it. How much is too much? What parts are just for me? I am still figuring that out, but in the mean time, there are things to share.

Over the next nine weeks, on this blog, I will be sharing what I will call, The Body Series. Every week I’ll talk about my process of discovery and acceptance with one aspect of my body or another. They are outlined below. I share this to connect with you. Because I ask you to trust me with your process. I want to be worthy of that trust. I want to show you where I’ve been and where I’m at. To let you know where you are is perfect because the spiral never ends. Life is a video game with endless code. There are more levels to unlock and side quests to master than we can even imagine. I have learned so much, but there is so much left to uncover. Sometimes that feels exciting. Sometimes it makes me want to crawl into a cardboard box and cry. All I can try to do is be here. Feel it. I hope you will, too.

Part of me wonders if these tales have been over played. If there are too many voices with the same stories. But if my stories add one more layer of nuance, that resonates with you in a new way, this will be worth it. And besides, I think it's kind of beautiful that so many of us are opening up and sharing the weird shit we've realized is really toxic behavior that we once thought was normal. Keep sharing. Write on. 

This is a woman who used to be terrified of being caught with the folds of her skin touching. We'll go into it with a little more context next week, my loves.

This is a woman who used to be terrified of being caught with the folds of her skin touching. We'll go into it with a little more context next week, my loves.

On Weight + Body Image

Skin: On Blemishes + Color

Hair: On Growth + Removal

On Faces + Symmetry

A Treatise on Self-Love, Self-Touch and the Alchemy of Sex Magic

I wrote this for myself, but after reading it over, I realized it was for you, too. Consider this a love letter to your body as well as my own. May you find comfort and love and sensuality here.

Feel the intimate grooves of your skin. Linger over your succulent, smooth, bumpy, hairy, soft, tender, muscular thighs. Feel the bones beneath the softer edges of you. Trace the dimples, the stripes, the battle scars, the growing pains. 

Play with the floppy parts of yourself. Tease and play and pinch. Remind yourself that these parts serve as stores of energy. Remember they keep you vibrant and active. Remember the flesh encased inside skin is your vessel, your capsule, your spaceship. There are knobs and switches to turn you on and rev the engine. 

Stroke the nape of your neck, the lobes of your ear, the inner creases of your elbow and knees. Find the spots that make you tingle, that light up your nervous system like a Christmas tree. That reflect your sparkles like a chandelier. 

Stroke, touch and play with the intimate space between your legs, whatever parts you may hold there. Lose yourself in the rolling waves your own touch activates like the pool in Typhoon Lagoon. Invite the assistance of toys and liquids and lovers, but remember to get to know yourself first. Find the hidden corners of the cavern that ignite fireworks. Find the rhythm that rewires your circuitry. 

Cultivate so much intimacy with yourself, so much pleasure that you become weak enough to feel the first flickers of acceptance. Make yourself come so hard you forget to suck in your belly. You forget about the skin beneath your chin and how it must look to someone else in this moment. Set an intention in your climax. Let it be your own. Let it be selfish. Hoard your sexuality until it feels good to share it. Until you find someone worthy of the gift of you.

Find new names when the old ones make you feel constrained by dirty connotations, and the judgement of men in robes that commit dirty deeds and wear masks of stern injustice to hide their shame. The words of women who were taught to hate themselves and the most natural parts of their bodies. Rename those parts. Reclaim them. 

In my right thigh lives an indent that emerges larger than the rest, peaking out from the folds when I sit. Cellulite they call it. Such a clinical and cold term. The word does not radiate the strength and power mixed with pillow like softness and carnal warmth and fire. My thighs contain entropy and warrior-like ferocity. They are tree trunks that keep me tethered. They are the thighs of strong women from Caribbean Islands and Iberian coastlines and Mediterranean beaches. The thighs of priestesses and mothers and crones and witches. The thighs of chiefs and leaders and above all of lovers wrapped tight in ribbons of limbs seamlessly spiraling though silk. 

My breasts don’t sag, they droop with the weight of the galaxies I hold in my heart. They wax and wane with the moon. They are striped like tigers and zebras, branded by burden of growing too quickly, but stronger for it. Womanly, not because of their size, but for what they feel and endure. 

Refuse to stand for the judgement and name calling that initiated the self hate in the first place. That made these words ring like the shrieks of banshees or stab like rusty knives. Instead, become the siren that lures and drowns that vitriol in the depths of your waters.

Surround yourself with people that make you feel beautiful. Who look for you like sunflowers searching for brilliant rays and shine their own beauty right back. Construct bridges and hammocks and cocoons and pillow forts out of each other so there is always a place to cross and hang and nestle and play. 

Feel the overwhelming disappointment and sadness that accompanies living so that you can build yourself up again, like your favorite Lego set. Find pleasure in the rebuilding. Find the places you can fortify. Forgive the weak points. Build turrets for sentries, but leave the draw bridge open.

Love. Hate. Laugh. Cry. Embrace every extreme like the ocean that your are. Let the waves keep you in motion, but always return to your Self.